Christmas Review

This week has been nuts! I spent most of the last week at the Vineyard. We had the play on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday then regular church stuff on the weekend plus the Donut Outreach Sunday night. The play was so so, I mean I don't really know what the point of the play is supposed to be at VCC, so it's a little hard to evaluate how it went. One if the staff people asked me about it and I told them i thought it was OK. He asked me what I thought the point of the play should be, I told him that we should somehow tell the story of Christ. By the story of Christ I mean how people are hopelessly separated from God without the redemption offered by Christ in His death on the cross. It could be my Young Life background talking here, but doesn't it just make sense that if you have a church full of people who ordinarily wouldn't go to church, to talk about Jesus in an evangelical manner. Anyways the play came and went as did the rest of the weekend leading to the donut outreach on Sunday night. This outreach is one of my favorite outreaches of the year. I love the opportunity to make someone feel really special, especially when it takes almost no effort. You really get to see God do some amazing things, because honestly a box of Krispy Cream donuts sucks and God has to overcome that, and He does, and its incredible. I took one box to CVS and one box to Wings and Rings both in Milford. No breathtaking stories this year, but who knows what God may do with it. We aren't commanded to make things incredible, we are just commanded to go.

After the donut outreach I met my mom's side of the family at my grandma's United Methodist Church in Perintown. It was about as radically different from the Vineyard as anything could be. First of all the pastor, her name is Naomi, knew the names of everyone there, even the people who don't normally go and just came with family. The church only actually has like 19 members and for the choir performance 10 of the members left the pews to go sing in front. It was awesome. Another awesome thing was the "congregational choice" hymnal. Naomi asked the congregation what we wanted to sing and some ladies in the back had one already picked out. The best part was that she really convicted the audience to think about where they stand with Christ. It wasn't threatening or awkward at all it was just good.

The most disappointing part of the weekend was the Bengals game. I didn't see the game or the highlights, but I heard about it...and that was enough. I don't know how it happens, it's just not our year. Now I have the dolphins game on int he background which sort of depends whether we have a chance to go to the playoffs or not. It's just a bad situation for us. We have on of the best teams in the NFL, and we lost a lot of games that we should have won and here we are likely not going to the playoffs. It just makes me sick. Baseball starts in 2 months...

Tonight I went to a party with my dad's side of the family. It was a very predictable experience. The same stuff always happens at events with that side of the family. People always get the same gifts, we eat the same food, we sit in the same arrangement, and talk about the same things. I still like it though, it a piece of familiar in a world of change for me. I got some sweet gifts, this year. I got a soccer jersey from my cousin, a gun case from my uncle, and a bunch of other really cool stuff. I am usually not about gifts, but this year I liked them a lot because people actually took time to get me stuff that I will use. They put more thought into it than usual, and it was great. So that's pretty much it. I hope all of you have a fantastic Christmas as well. Have fun back at work tomorrow, I know I will.

matt

Dead Jesus

Today at work I was part of a conversation about what exactly went on for the three days between Jesus' crucification and his resurrection. The Bible, as far as I know, doesn't have a lot on the subject. I personally am of the philosophy that nothing happened. Jesus was just dead. There is another perspective that has Jesus in an epic battle against Satan himself in Hell where Jesus wins of course because he is God. This can somewhat be supported if you consider that Christ had to pay the price for our sins which may include going to Hell. Its all a little fuzzy though because he lived a perfect life and took on our sins. He fully owned them, but they where fully ours also, and in truth, still belong to us until we give them up to him. So what actually happened? I am going to start a little research on the subject to see what classical theologians thought. I hope that someone smarter than me has some contributions to make on this subject, otherwise I'm in trouble...

matt

Trouble

Today I got called out on some stuff. It's not unusual for me to get called out on something. I mean, let's face it, I screw up a lot of stuff. I have noticed in thinking about it that there are a couple ways to screw stuff up. You can do something wrong out of ignorance, or you can do something wrong deliberately. I think doing something wrong out of ignorance is much more ok, unless maybe the ignorance was due to arrogance. (like doing something you know you don't know anything about without finding anything out.) Then there is doing something wrong in a completely deliberate fashion. (like lying to your mom) So I am commonly guilty of both of these, however I would like to think that I am less commonly being belligerently wrong.

In situations when my wrongness is brought to my attention I am generally pretty good about just taking it and doing something pro active to fix the problem. I don't like wrongness especially when I am the cause so its reasonable for me to try to avoid it. I take rebuke as well as anyone, though sometimes, I just don't like it. I get defensive and start making excuses for what I am doing instead of just admitting my mistake, apologizing, and taking steps to prevent myself from doing it again. I understand the idea of consequences for sins, and I don't like often dealing with them, but its part of screwing up. What I don't understand is why I get that defensive thing. It doesn't make any sense, its just dumb and doesn't help. Even in understanding that I still want to make excuses and try to justify myself in my actions. Its just not worth it most of the time. I have a long way to go in understanding the loving discipline of God. Anyways, I am going to try to learn how to better accept being wrong, its about time I get used to it because I am wrong as often as anyone.

Not of me but through me

Tuesday night was the Holiday Dinner for Mt. Healthy Young Life. It was supposed to be one of our biggest events of the year. It was supposed to be a great opportunity to meet new kids and share the Gospel with everyone who came. It was supposed to be a big encouragement to me and Leah that we could build on as we go into the new semester and start with fresh leaders...It was supposed to be a lot of things according to me. It wasn't any of the things I planned it to be. I spent 3 weeks in communication with 20 people coordinating food and kitchen help and rides, making fliers for the school, getting kids excited about it, scheduling it with the church, and preparing a club talk. In the end the food was great, but only three kids showed up. One of the kids was a kid I took to fall weekend where he accepted Christ, and the other two where kids that had been coming around as long as I have. We ended up (by we I really mean Bunny) went and found a group of older women meeting at the church to eat all the food and take leftovers home. This turned out to be pretty cool because we got to tell them all about YL, and it was hilarious because they were meeting at the church for a weight watchers group. So it ended and the left over stuff was wrapped up and taken up to some leaders at Miami up late studying for exams. I mean all the food got eaten, just not by Mt. Healthy kids. Now I have been on staff at a church for to long to not think about how things could have been different/better, at the Vineyard this would be called and outflow meeting.

Its been a couple days now and I've had a little time to reflect on what happened. First I want to say that I really believe that the kids God wanted there, where there. I believe that in my head at least, but I also believe that there is always something that I can personally do better in ministry to allow God to be seen more clearly in my life/actions. So what could have been different?

1.) I could have gone to the school more to tell kids about it, but I got really sick the week before and could only go Monday and Friday that week. Then on Tuesday, the day of, they had a rushed release fire drill and I wasn't allowed in the school. So not being in the school enough may have had some effect on what happened.

2.) We were unlucky in the availability of the church and had to schedule the dinner the same night as a home basketball game. I heard that not very many kids went to the game either though, but that may have had something to do with it.


3.) We don't have a regular set of events for kids to participate in, and because of that we don't have kids that can be active in getting other kids excited about what we are doing. We are in a situation where, because we don't have anything to be involved in, kids are less and less likely to participate in the events that we do have. We are not established. Brandon has long said that many kids in Mt. Healthy lack the communication skills necessary to allow them to maintain healthy relationships. I mean I see it all the time. I am almost sure if I stopped calling kids, even kids I've known the whole time I have been a leader, we just wouldn't talk ever again. They wouldn't call me, it would just be over. It is possible that the phenotype for this is consistent relational failure in kids lives. That makes leading a relational ministry fairly difficult.

4.) I often say if you want to see something happen, find out what God is doing and do that because its going to be successful. There are many things that I have seen God do in Mt. Healthy this year; from Mr. Sawyers, to my coaching job with Jim Tenzing, to 3 kids coming to know Christ, to the growing support of several faculty members at the school. At the same time though there are many things I have seen fall apart this year. We don't have campaigners, and with the kids I know, it's not going to happen anytime soon. Club is out of the question for now. Still there is something vastly different in this year's Thanksgiving Dinner than there has been in the past. There have always been close to 50 kids at the dinner if not more, and this year there where three. It could be that God wanted us to get to know those little old ladies that meet at the church every week, or that he just isn't about big events for now and just wants us to be faithful in going to meet kids, I don't know the answer to that. I honestly don't know what God is up to in Mt. Healthy. I am sure that He wants his children to know Him, and that He has called me to be a part of that.

So what now? Ok so we had an event that sort of sucked, and because I put a ton of work into it and was fairly invested I am pretty upset that it didn't go well. I feel responsible and because I am the leader, I am ashamed that I had so many people do so much work cooking food and clearing there schedules and showing up to help, all for 3 kids. I could have just as easily got pizza for three kids, or baked a chicken at my house and had the same effect. I have a hard enough time asking people for things, it is wretched for me to ask people for help and them help for such a small result. I need to get over all this because its not how God thinks.

I've had my two days to be mad at God. I don't know if I am allowed two days, but that's what I am giving myself. Now I just need to get over it and go back to doing what I am called to do, go and love kids. I am sure there will be events in the future that fail, or at least aren't what they are supposed to be according to me... I think that's maybe the real issue here. All the time I am making myself way to important in things. Andy Stanley calls it the "If I don't, it won't philosophy." Somehow, I look past my humanness and the fact that God is in control of stuff and not me, and I start making my own plans and seeing my own vision and not God's. That's bad and I need to work on keeping my focus on fulfilling God's plan and not my own. I actually don't know what God's plan looks like, but it is certainly about Him and not about me.

Leah and I had a meeting with Kolia the other day, and Kolia told me that I have grown a lot in wisdom. He may be right, but I just feel like I don't have any for sure answers anymore. Most things that where once black and white to me have become very Grey. I still feel strongly about many things, I just don't know what I am supposed to think anymore. I just feel clueless when it comes to ministry. Its not all bad, the more clueless I feel, the more likely I am to rely on God than on myself. That's a good place to be I think, uncomfortable but good. That bring up a whole new topic. another thing Kolia brought up in our meeting was the fact that we are going to get 2 new leaders this January.

I am really scared of that because as I said above, I have no idea what I am doing in ministry. I have nothing to plug new leaders into. I can't bring them to campaigners and introduce them to kids that can show them around the school or introduce them to some kids of their own. All I have for them is some geographical knowledge of Mt. Healthy and a lot of prayers. They would be just as good with the NLT manual in a new school as they are with my help. Kolia pointed out the most understated deficiency of my life maybe when he asked what we had to offer the new leaders and the answer was Christ. That's really all we have. With that in mind I am realizing that being in a position of only having Christ to rely on is a common thing in ministry. I am terrified that I am going to screw it all up for the new leaders, that they are going to watch me lead the way I do, and learn how to do it that way, and that I am doing it all wrong so they will be too. I'll effectively ruin a couple of potentially good leaders. See how I make myself too important... It's interesting to me how often I am quick to look at myself for abilities and answers in life when I should be looking to God. Then when my resources are used up (doesn't take much) I am quick to be like "God come help me fix this." I don't understand why I do that. So anyways there's a bunch of crap out of my head and into writing so I can stop thinking about it hopefully. The summation of all this is just that I should, and will, go back to WITH GOD'S HELP GOING AND LOVING KIDS.

Government Funding of Evangelism

This article is pretty self explanitory about what's happening and how it got to this point. I found it on the front page of the Times Buisiness section today. It doesn't talk very much about the programs themselves (specifically the jail ministries), but it does have a lot to say about a variety of cases where people are using my tax money to tell people about Christ.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/10/business/10faith.html?_r=1&ref=business&oref=slogin

Christmas Party

Tonight was the annual YL Christmas Party. This year it was held at a new location due to the much smaller size of our leadership this year. Instead of having it at a giant house this year we had it at the Lutow's. I know this is a side note here, but I have to talk for a second about the Lutows.

The Lutows are quickly becoming like a second family to me. They feed me as much if not more than my own family, they support me, they tell me when I am screwing up and love me anyways, and most of all they just care about me. It's just awesome to be cared for, and even more awesome when you are aware enough about what's going on to notice that you are cared for. So I just love them, Kolia, Liz, Kate and Julia are very close people to my heart. I don't do nearly enough to show or tell them that, but it's true all the same.

Anyways the party was at their house. It was as usual a good time, I mean imagine a bunch of people who love to hang out all cooped up together int he same house. Sounds like a recipe for success to me. The was general talking and eating and merriment the whole night with one huge big thing int he middle. The White Elephant gift exchange. This thing is awesome for real. It works by everyone bringing a wrapped gift and putting them all in a pile. Then everyone gets a number from 1 to however many people brought a gift. Then you sit around and one by one pick presents from the pile or steal one from someone else. In the case of stealing the person who got robbed gets to have the choice of stealing or picking from the pile and it goes on like that till all the gifts are gone. Obviously its better to have one of the last spots because you get to see most of the gifts and pick the one that you really want. I ended up with a sweet DVD the Patriot with Mel Gibson which I am really happy with. The best gift was a Best Buy gift card for $25 which Leah ended up with meaning basically Team Mt. Healthy dominated the White Elephant Gift Exchange. I also got to see some people that I love and don't commonly get to see, mainly Stevie! She's a fantastic lady. So all in all it was a good experience and I am glad I went.

Sickness

I haven't really posted anything int he alst few days. That's because I have been really really sick. Not just sore throat headache sick, I mean the virus in your stomach sick. In two days I've lost 15 pounds I bet. I ate lunch today, it was the first thing I've really eaten since Monday night. I have been trying to drink a lot, keeping hydrated is important to getting better from sickness or so I am told. it was particularly poor timing as I have an exam tomorrow and for the majority of the week have not really been able to focus my eyes to read long enough to accomplesh anything. I couldn't even really watch TV. I would just fall asleep for a while only to wake up and throw up something that wasn't there to throw up. It was rough. i think now though that I am mostly out of the woods. I am just very weak still, probably because I haven't eaten very much. So tonight I will try to study as much as I can before I fall asleep.

I will say one thing though, being sick made me stop. I didn't do anything for 2 1/2 days I really did nothing. I didn't go anywhere, I didn't talk to anyone, I just stayed home and rested. I didn't have a choice really, but still it was a needed break. I'd like to say that my break starts next week and I'd have rested then, but I wouldn't have. I had a lot of time to think about stuff going on around me, and it was that wierd kind of half conscious thought you have when your really sick. I was more able to look at things objectively than I usually am. One thing I noticed was that though I am much better at being gracious and considerate of other people I am still not great at it. I still do things that frustrate people and don't even realize it. The second thing I noticed is that I still care way to much what people think about me and what I am doing. I should be living my life for Christ and no other reason, to often I find myself pursueing lots of other things. Maybe the last big thing that I realized is that I am a good friend. I will pretty much do anything for my friends. I am good at being self sacraficing in friend relationships. My words may not always be the right ones, but more often than not my actions back me up.

My big worry right now is the Holiday Dinner that we are doing for Mt. Healthy kids next Tuesday. I am pretty sure that we are going to have plenty of food, and that all the organizational stuff is going to work itself out. Thing thing I am nervous about is kids. Once again I am making myself to improtant in this, but I haven't been able to go up to the school at all this week. Monday I had exams and the rest of the week I have been sick. Now I am leaving for work. So really I only get Friday and Monday to recruit kids to come. That makes me nervous. I am sure that God is big, and all the kids that he wants to be there will be. I am just not ok with my lack of control in that and I should be. If I can just make it through tueday I'll be fine. Sweet action

Suffering

Today at Leadership for Young Life we talked about the idea of suffering as mentioned in Romans 5. One of the questions brought up was do we actually suffer. I think that is a hard question to answer. I mean in my life I think there are hardships. I point to things like a lack of financing, packed schedule, leading an urban ministry...ect. When I really think about it though I don't have much to say when compared with people like Corrie Ten Boom, Hudson Taylor, Detrick Boenehoffer, Paul, any of the apostles, foreign missionaries in hostile countries, I mean there are people out there actually suffering for the Gospel. When I look at the "hardships" in my life when compared with those actual hardships I feel a little lame. Still all the same I am called to stretch my faith by trusting God more and more with the risks I am willing to take. If that means being more bold in presenting the Gospel or reaching out to kids I normally wouldn't, I am called all the same to be justified by my faith in action. Maybe this time of small trials is a period of preparation for me to face larger trials later, regardless of whether it is or not I am still called to be faithful to the Lord in the position of being uncomfortable that I may experience. I think suffering may really be relative. Someone who is consistently fed 3 meals a day might think only eating one meal a day to be a great hardship whereas someone who eats regularly one meal a day might think that not suffering at all, maybe even a blessing. When it comes to real suffering it's a question of perspective. If I am convinced that this earth is not my home and I am only here to visit and do the work of God diligently while I am here then maybe I need to adjust my perspective of suffering a little bit. I should expect things to be hard here because I am living in a broken world whose prince is Satan himself. How much should I really expect from a place like that?

Football

The football awesomeness for the week started last night. I went down to UC to play Ultimate Frisbee (because that's what we do on Wednesday nights) and there were a bunch of people there. We started passing around a football and when everyone got there I asked how many people wanted to play football instead. It was voted that we should play football 10 out of 11. It was so fun. I learned a lot about some of my friends most importantly of all, like Cat Wade, Jen Biller is a force to be reckoned with. I was returning a kick near the sideline and she was running sort of angularly towards me. I slowed down because I thought she was going to just push me out of bounds. Turns out she actually had in mind to hurt me...I got flipped on my back from a running forward position. I am sore from many different things that happened, but maybe none more than that. Derek got knocked out making a huge 4th down play that virtually ended the game. he didn't remember anything that happened after that last night. It was sort of funny how he kept asking how he got places and what happened. So it was totally awesome even though my team lost by 2. That's really how it should have ended considering they had 6 people to our 5, but it didn't really matter who won because it was so fun. I was really surprised that so many people were willing to play football. Excellent time indeed. Oh then it was capped off by Stephanie buying us all dinner after that because some how she had 50 meal plan tickets left with a week to go in the quarter.

To end the week here would be fine, but tonight the Bengals played the ravens. I personally was pretty nervous for the game. The Ravens have looked really good this year, and we needed to win or they clinched the division. It was an awesome game indeed. I mostly only got to see the second half but it was fantastic. Who knew the Bengals could play defense? So now we are 7-5 and for the moment the number one contender for the AFC wild card spot. Thats important because unless we get help, even if we win out we still shouldn't win the division. I look for Denver to struggle with the Jay Cutler break in period, and it remains to be seen if Trent Green still has a bruised brain or not. who knew that Robert Geathers may yet have had the biggest impact of anyone on our hopes for the playoffs. Jacksonville is the team that scares me. We shall see. I am excited for the long break for the Bengals, I really hope they get it together during that time so that we can win out the season. We really only have one major hump, the Colts, left int he season. I think the Denver game will be close because of there D, but we will win in the end. Pittsburgh and Oakland just SUCK. That's it for tonight I am just pleased with the win for now.

Big Scary Question

So it's officially the Holiday Season. People are out shopping, there are massive advertising campaigns bombarding our lives everywhere we go, the weather, though not bad yet, will soon be beyond brutal in Cincinnati, less and less people are in classes (including myself), the playoff picture is beginning to clear in the NFL (not for the Bengals), everyone is soon to be pissed again that there is no playoff system for college football, traffic is awful, it sucks to have to cut the grass that one last time, you know the drill... Its the exact same set of things that happens every year at this time. Personally I love the holidays! I get a chance to be on semi-vacation. For a three week period this year starting December 9th I only have to work, no school on top of it. Also I usually get some gifts from people, nothing big, but people see Christmas at least as a good opportunity to say some nice things about each other. I know it's lame, but I like the warm fuzzy feeling from hearing people that love me tell me so. Along with that I like the opportunity to get some stuff for people that will make them happy. My sister and I started teaming up on gifts about 2 years ago for both our parents and grandparents. It makes it easier for us to brainstorm and if we pool our limited funds we can buy something a little nicer for people. I think this year we are going to try and do framed pictures of us together for our grandparents, and some of those fleecy blankets with the tied together edges with our college prints on each side for our parents. I read somewhere that the average household is expected to spend around $780 on gifts this year for Christmas...that's crazy. Then there is all the politically correct nonsense that goes on. It's no longer acceptable to say the Christmas season. Even though it is still a national holiday and recognized by everyone alive on earth, its politically incorrect to talk about it. Who are we kidding? It is interesting to me how silly some of the things people are willing to get upset over. I heard on the radio the other day that there was actually a court case where it was decided that a burrito can not be considered a sandwich and is in fact not a sandwich but something entirely different. Are you SERIOUS?!?!?

I am confident that I am a contributing member to a society that is as far from biblical principles as any society has ever been. It really worries me that there is so much corruption in the US right now. I mean we pretty much have the trademarks of every major corruption that the Bible talks about. Worshiping false idols, worshiping other gods, prostitution, gluttony, adultery, homosexuality, dishonest political leaders, let alone political leaders that aren't men and women of God, greed, idleness, the list is endless. Our redeeming factor may be that we have a lot of churches, organizations and people that are fighting hard to reduce the problem. It brings up something I am personally confused about. In the Old Testament we get a picture of a God who, when things turn away from him, slowly gets angry, and then does something to remind his people that they need to look at Him. In the New Testament we see a gracious God who is all about meeting us where we are and working with us as we try to figure out how to live broken lives while following the leadership of Christ. I have to try to remember that we are dealing with the same God though, he never changes... So at what point does God get upset enough with our, as a society, general disinterest in living lives worthy of our calling to do something about it? At the heart of this question is another that I am more afraid of. When God looks at my life, am I part of what he's getting upset about or part of what is keeping him from being more upset? Sure I get a lot of things right, but I get a lot of things wrong too, and probably more of the latter. I think its hard to even maintain an accurate picture of what is right and wrong because of the standard being so far from acceptable. Kolia told leadership once that it is important to stay as far from crossing the line as possible, not to try to get as close as possible without getting in trouble. I don't have an answer to either question, all I can do is try to use the opportunities given me to the best of my ability. I think I am rambling now, and have definitely strayed from the idea of holiday season, but this is a question worth thinking about. The love of Christ is the Greatest Gift, and it deserves the ultimate response.

Football and Turkey

Today is the day after my favorite day of the year. Yesterday was so great for me. I slept in, I was supposed to run in the 10k race downtown, but instead I just slept till 11. My dad, my sister and I went to my Grandma's house for the feast. I just love Thanksgiving Dinner. The only thing that could have been better about yesterday is that Denver and Kansas City should have played on network TV. It was the only good game. Tampa Bay is a joke this season even if Joey Galloway is still awesome. There defense sucks, there offense sucks, there coach sucks...it's just all bad down there. To make it worse Dallas is playing like the best team in the NFC right now. With Romo showing that he could be another Hall of Fame QB from Dallas, and the TO controversy all but silenced. It looks to me like Parcels has another chance to take a team to the Super Bowl this February. Back to the fact though, Dallas vs Tampa Bay was a joke yesterday. A better game, but only because both teams are equally bad was the Miami vs Lions game. Kitna is having a career year, but with no supporting cast. Joey Harrington is so streaky its ridiculous. I think Miami's season is over depending on the severity of Brown's hand injury. So basically I am upset that the games on TV yesterday were pretty terrible, other than that it was a fantastic day though. Oh one last thing, the Madden curse is real and I will be so upset when they put LT on the cover next year. I hope he declines it. So that's it for me today, not much of substance really, I hope you all had a wonderful day off in the fabulous weather as I did.

Beautiful Scandelous Night

I am dead tired, but this day has been somewhat ridiculous. Some might say "worst day ever," I say most eventful day ever. Today was longer than day 2 of Young Life Camp, longer than James Bonar's 4 hours engineering class, longer than, than, than something really long. Lets start in the beginning...I woke up today with Derek and James sleeping on the floor in my room at 8:30, they left for class and I went back to sleep briefly. After running some errands and changing a load of laundry left over from fall weekend I get a phone call from Derek, we are supposed to go to one of our friends houses in Westchester for some turkey and turkey sides dishes. He tells me that he is at the marathon at the Michel exit and his car is over heating or something. So I drive down to get him and we check out his car. He has either a cracked head or a blown head gasket. If it's a cracked head we are blowing up his car on December 8. If it's a blown head gasket we are taking it to Hamilton and rebuilding the engine. So anyways we decide that if we load it up with antifreeze it can make it to my house. After getting to my house we leave for Lora's in Westchester to try to recover a little bit while eating some delicious turkey. It was good except for they ran out of turkey, I got like one bite and Derek didn't get any. Around 5:30 we decided to head back home since we were going to watch Marshall at UC starting at 7. When we get to my house to pick up stuff for my soccer game later we get a call from the girl who has organized this Marshall thing and she tells us that she got it wrong and they aren't showing the movie. She is staying home and going to bed and Leah, the other girl we were going to hang out with, is going to her house in Fairfield. So whatever, except that Shohn is already in Clifton waiting to find out what we are going to do. We decide to drive down there and eat some Chipotle while we figure out what we are going to do. I had a soccer game at 8:45 so they decide to come watch me play soccer and hang out. At this point I am still fairly excited. We are maybe the number one team in our league and tonight we were playing the likely contender for that spot. It should have been a good game, except most of our team went home for the holiday and I guess most of their team didn't. Long story short we were winning till they did there first line change, then it was a losing battle from then on. We just got tired and sloppy, it was an embarrassment really, I won't speak more on that. After the game we go down to Newport to watch Happy Feet, which is awesome if you haven't seen it, with another one of our friends. After Happy Feet, we all go to the Skyline in Newport to recover a little bit from the events of the day. At this point I am think that everything is winding down. I'll take Shohn and Derek back this Shohn's car and I'll drive home, I'll get home around 3 and go to sleep. That just wasn't to be. When I finally drive back to Clifton and drop them off I get about half way home on 71 before my phone rings. It was Derek, Shohn had lost the key to his car! So I drive back to Clifton, again, to pick them up. When we decide that his key isn't in my car and can't be found anywhere I get nominated to drive them all the way to Shohn's house in Hamilton to pick up a spare key and then drive them all the way back to Clifton. An hour later I was back on 71 exactly where I had been the hour before that. When I got off the exit 2 miles from my house, I did a U turn to avoid a light and, of course, at 4 in the morning I got pulled over. Why not? So the cop asked me what I had been doing. I asked him if he wanted the long or the short version. He asked for the long version, BIG mistake... So I basically told him the story from Chipotle on. He asked me if I had been drinking, if I have any weapons in the car, and where I am headed. I say no, yes this pocket knife right here, and to my house about 2 miles from here. After checking my insurance and all that jazz he told me to have a happy Thanksgiving. Ok, honestly I didn't even care if I got a ticket. I surely earned it at some point in my nearly 190 miles of driving today. So that's pretty much it, I guess I left out a few parts including the trip to Walmart, the girl at the Kiosk, the 10 people we met at Skyline, and some other even more minor things, but you generally get the idea. I can't wait to wake up in a few hours to go hunting. Maybe this year I should just stay in bed and do nothing except be thankful, what a novel idea. So now I am going to bed, at 5:20 int he AM. This is the latest I have stayed up in almost a year.

Time for a break maybe?

Today is my sister's birthday, she turns 19. On my way home from taking my make-up physics exam I talked to her and she informed me that people are getting together to go out to eat tonight in recognition of the occasion. I am excited about it. I haven't really hung out with my sister since she left for school in August, and I will also get to see my cousin Christa and some of Kate's (my sister) other friends. I generally like the people that she hangs out with, so it should be a pretty good time. Shortly after talking to her my mom called me to ask if I was coming, during the conversation we started talking about my plans for next quarter and whatnot. She knows that I don't really have any money to speak of, and I told her that I was considering taking a quarter off from school to work and try to catch up a little bit financially. It's justifiable I think. It's no different than co-opping for a quarter. She said that if I did something like that I should take a vacation. She pointed out that the last time I took a vacation for myself was July of 2005. I guess since then I have either been working or going to school or taking kids on a Young Life trip. I used to take weekends off and go to the Gorge by myself to take some time and just do nothing. I think its good to do things like that and I generally advocate it, and yet somehow I haven't done anything like that in forever. I can't even tell you the last time I had a weekend like that. So maybe it's time for a break. I don't necessarily feel like I need a break, but like most things in life, its hard to get an accurate picture of what's going on while you are in the picture yourself. It's easier to see what is happening from the sidelines. Henry Nouwen uses the analogy of a basin of water all sloshing around. You can't smooth out the water with your hand, you just have to step back and let it settle on its own, the only thing that can calm the surface is time left alone. So now I am off to dinner with my sister. I'll have to consider that whole vacation thing while I am at work tomorrow, or maybe in between my classes...

Long Lost Blog

Today I got an e-mail...in the e-mail it said that someone had posted a comment on my blog. My first thought was "Blog...I don't have a blog, I've been identity theft-ed..." But then I remembered the blog I had to start for a class way back freshman year. After following the link to MY blog I caught myself reminiscing about what my life was about then, and how much I have grown up in the last 2 years. I guess on the surface not all that much looks different. I am still on staff at the same Church I was just starting at when I first started my blog, I still lead Young life at Mt. Healthy (something else I had just started), and I am still in school though now for a different major (Secondary Ed), if I just look at how I am spending my time, not that much is different.

As much as my schedule looks the same though my life feels so different. Although I had great friendships in the past the friendships that I have now, some with the same people, are built out of faith in Christ. It's funny when you commit your life to Christ, that first day, you have no idea what you are in store for. My faith has lead me places that I would never have gone otherwise. I understand now that I still don't have any idea where my faith will take me, however, in that I realize that life with Christ is wholly different than life without. It means much more than a one hour per week commitment to a local church, it's a life altering decision that has ramifications far outreaching the scope of my understanding. If you let God in, your life will change, ALL of it.

The Young Life team I am on is completely different now than it was 2 years ago. I am the only person still leading there now that was when I got placed. My Co-leader, Leah, is one of the most incredible women I have ever known. I have learned so much from her about everything from loving people to understanding how women think to fashion and a thousand other things. I am so excited to see how God is going to use us in the lives of High School kids this year. So many doors have been opened for us to do ministry in the school this year already, that I have to believe that our vision for reaching high school kids with the Gospel of Christ is in line with what God is doing in that community.

I feel like my life is being netted together right now. Like all the stuff I have been doing separately and independently of one another are coming together. I was leading Young Life and working at the church and going to school. Now I am leading Young Life because I have a heart for kids and going to school to become a teacher because I have a heart for kids, and working at a church to both finance doing those things as well as feed myself as a Christian. I hadn't realized it because anytime you have a job, even in ministry, it is easy to at times become frustrated with the organization or the people you work with. It just happens. In spite of that I have realized the importance of loving people the way they are while at the same time encouraging them to reach the potential God has in store for them. The pastor at the Vineyard (where I work) says "the person you are becoming is much more important than the person you are." LOVING PEOPLE IS ESSENTIAL. I don't just mean when they do things you like, or when they are easy to get along with. I mean identifying people in your life that you have to choose to commit to no matter what. Choosing to love them even when they suck, because frankly all of us suck sometimes, people are just annoying and mean and well sinful, and because of that it is hard to love people all the time. In spite of that, we have to, we are commanded to by the Word of God (Ephesians 4:1-3). With that in mind doing all the "stuff" of life isn't so bifurcated. When my motivation for getting good grades is the same as my motivation for doing contact work with high school kids or doing a good job at work, it is much easier to remain motivated. Having the same motivation in things implies having the same goal in mind, to know the will of Christ and live in His perfect will.

That's all I have for today though. I think what I have here is a good synopsis of what's been happening in my life of late as well as what I have been learning. I haven't yet decided if I am going to continue to write a blog. I like the idea of getting my thoughts out and at least somewhat organized. We'll have to see what time allows.

in Him
matt