Endurance

I can't sleep. This is a continuing recent problem for me. Often I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason at all just thinking about different situations/relationships/choices that I am involved in. Sometimes it turns out to be really good because I'll pray for a while or read or journal , and eventually I will be able to fall back asleep. The problem is that this is becoming an increasingly wearying period of my life. Tonight I am stuck on the idea of long endurance through struggle.

It funny, last night at leadership one of the verse we talked about was Hebrews 12:1 "run with endurance" and that's what this season of my life seems to be about. I need to endure for a while. I think the point in the verse is that the endurance and the temporary struggle now is worth the great reward later. This is true in things that we get to see the fruit of in this life as well as in our life after. I know that sometimes relationships are worth sticking out when it sucks because there can be something great on the other side of that. Ministry sometimes is worth enduring while it's difficult and sucky because God is working and there will be redemption for His faithful. 1 Cor 15:58 I am told that the payoff for enduring college is worthwhile, but I am beginning to seriously question that.

I know I am incredibly thankful for the people in my life that have chosen to love me with endurance despite how difficult I often make it. I am greatly indebted to the people that have first loved me while I did nothing to deserve it. The way I heard it a few months ago was that to truly know God we need to have long obedience in the same direction. To know God's heart I need to be in prayer daily for years. To know God's Word I need to be reading it, and meditating on it, and memorizing it every day for years. To see fruit in ministry I need to be obedient to the same ministry for a long time. My prayer lately has been to live with God's heart, to love with His strength, with His endurance so that I can finish the race. I have given up the arrogance and pride that says I can run a good race without help...