Learning

I haven't written anything on here lately. It's not that I haven't wanted to or haven't had anything on my mind, just that the things that have been consuming my thoughts are not yet public stuff. In a few months, after everything is worked out, I'll post some ex scripts from my journal. I will say now that these past few weeks have been an incredible time of struggle and growth for me. It's almost seems like an axiom of faith that you learn things most readily during times of struggle. I can't really remember many things that I've learned while life was easy for me, but if I look back, there always seems to be a lesson when things are hard, always something God is trying to teach me, a situation He is trying to draw my attention towards. It continues to amaze me how far God is willing to go in pursuit of our undivided attention. I have heard in sermons from many different pastors and church leaders about things like self sacrifice, obedience, prayer, righteousness, ethics, the list goes on, but I think really it comes down to looking at God. If on a daily basis I face God, all the rest of the things sort of fall into place. More than ever I am convicted by my need for grace. I am currently reading the book Calvary Road by Roy Hession, I think I read it first during training for Work Crew in 2004, anyways it has a great passage that sums up how I feel right now.

"Revival is just the life of the Lord Jesus poured into human hearts. Jesus is always victorious. In Heaven they are praising Him all the time for His victory. Whatever may be our experience of failure and barrenness may be, He is never defeated. His power is boundless. And we, on our part, have only to get into a right relationship with Him and we shall see His power being demonstrated in our hearts and lives and service, and His victorious life will fill us and overflow through us to others. And that is revival in its essence."

I recommend the whole book. The point of this is that looking at Christ and being together in a relationship with Him is the only way to do the other stuff. The reason being a checklist Christian doesn't work is because you can't quantify Christ. There is not list of things to do that guarantee a relationship with Him. However, if you daily surrender your heart to Christ, the other things happen naturally. The way we live our lives does not dictate our relationship with Christ, but it is our relationship with Christ that dictates our lives. I think its a good idea to know about the many facets of Christianity, it's a good practice to read books and keep up with what's going on in the faith. Being intellectual about our faith is not a bad thing, but it is essential that knowing things does not get in the way of experiencing grace. I am the first to admit that I try really hard to read lot of things and be smart, but I am beginning to realize that, though it can be beneficial, thinking I know things has in many ways kept me from knowing the love of Christ. I don't want to be that guy anymore. I want to be humble. I want to lift others up with my words and actions instead of tearing people down. For so long I just didn't see the benefit of consistently encouraging the people around me, and I am sorry for that. Living an encouraging lifestyle is something that I wanted to be committed to changing in my life. I have a lot of work to do to become someone like that, but I can no longer continue to discourage. Its just not who I want to be.

In another area I am learning something else about God. God is big....way big. Today I listened to a message by Andy Stanley (I'm not computer savy enough to put in the flash link) from North Point Community Church about asking big things of God and I realized it something I rarely do. It was particularly focused towards young people that haven't yet figured out all the stuff that can easily take up a lot of time (families, careers, ect). Anyways he talked about the idea of having a big dream for life, and how asking big, even impossible things of God is in a way honoring to Him. He said that God is consistent in answering prayers that people repeatedly and continuously prayed for for a long time. Prayers like "give us the city." (the Vineyard) Too often I pray for things that in the long run will just take care of themselves. Not that praying for the minutia is bad, but there has to be big prayers as well. God is big, and he likes being faithful to people who ask big things of Him. God likes revealing His power to people as a witness through our faithfulness, more often we need to be giving Him the opportunity to do that.

The more I think about this Big Prayer thing the more I see it reflected in scripture. Moses prayed in the east for 40 years before God sent him back for His people, Daniel prayed every day for years in oppression before he got the opportunity to talk to the king, Nehemiah prayed for an impossible dream before God engineered the rebuilding of the city walls, Ester and Mordichi prayed for 4 years before she was elected Queen, Habakukk prays for the redemption of his people multiple times before God responds...the list includes many of the prophets in the old testament and almost every instance of a miracle in the new testament. When people pray with all their hearts for impossible things to happen in the name of Christ, more often than not, God is faithful. How many of us Christians are a result of someone who understood this idea and as a result prayed for us when our salvation seemed impossible. I know I am. So I am asking myself now what it is that God has put on my heart to be faithful in prayer for. I am asking God what He is waiting to reveal himself to the world through me in.

I want to say again though that the biggest thing I am learning now is grace. I have been a Christian for almost 5 years now and the most important thing I have learned so far is something I knew in the first few minutes, Grace.